


Hollow walls

by Hatchico



Series: Shizaya one-shots [9]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M, References to Depression, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-06 15:43:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20509466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hatchico/pseuds/Hatchico
Summary: You said to watch you fall. I didn't think you'd actually do it





	Hollow walls

**Author's Note:**

> This is in Shizuo's pov

I looked at Izaya watching his hair flutter in the wind. I remember every word he spoke to me on that day and still couldn't believe that he would actually jump. His smile, I can see it so vividly. This feeling of loss, I never thought I would ever feel this way for Izaya but now that he's gone I feel empty inside. It's like something is now missing in my life and I know I'll never be able to get it back.

Why would he do it?

That question has been on my mind ever since that day. I can't focus on anything else. I want to know. I need to know.

Izaya...why did you smile at me like that? Like you expected me to do something. What did you want me to do?

It hurts without you here. Would you be surprised that I feel that way? Are you glad to hurt me? That's been your goal since the start hasn't it?

I remember it all Izaya. What were you trying to say?

-

_"Shizu-chan! We're so high up. A fall from this height would surely kill you right?"_

_"You bastard. You have nowhere to run now."_

_"That's true. I can't necissarily run away but there's a way I can escape you. You see Shizu-chan there's a reason I came all the way up here. I've grown bored of our little game. Let's end it."_

_"I'll end it by smashing your face in!"_

_"So violent for a man who claims to despise violence. But you see Shizu-chan I don't want our game to end like that and I know deep down you feel the same."_

_"Where are you getting at?"_

_"Lets end it together."_

_"What are you doing? Get down from there flea. You'll fall."_

_"Like I said a fall from this height would surely kill you. So what do you say? Take a leap of faith and see just how far your limits are."_

_"You're insane. You want me to jump off this building while you laugh up here? Fuck you."_

_"That's not it at all. We'll go together."_

_"I don't trust you. I don't even know why you're talking such nonsense."_

_"I'll let you in on a little secret. Believe me if you wish but please do listen carefully. I adored the attention you gave me throughout the years but there's one thing that I always hated. It's how you hated me before you even knew me. Why? You couldn't have possibly have known what kind of person I could have been and yet you attacked me."_

_"I saw the way you looked at me. You saw me as entertainment and nothing more."_

_"You do have quite the intuition. But that would have changed over time. We could have been more than this Shizu-chan. Don't you realize that I want more?"_

_"I don't understand."_

_"Jump with me. That's all I ask. You're Shizuo Heiwajima. Don't be afraid of a little fall."_

_"Little? Do you know how many stories we are right now?"_

_"Does it matter?"_

_"We could be an inch off the ground and I still wouldn't jump with you."_

_"Then watch me fall..."_

_-_

I remember you smiling at me before you paused. Were you giving me another chance to join you? Should I have taken it? Could I have saved you?

Still the smile you gave me was so genuine and when you started leaning backwards time just stood still and in that moment you were the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I don't think I've ever saw you smile like that. I wish I could have made you smile like that all the time.

People are worried about me you know. They said it's been months since your death, that I should be happy that you're gone. I want to be happy that you're gone. Years of torment should make me feel ecstatic that it's all finally over.

But I'm not and I never will be.

You were trying to tell me something. Trying to express your emotions and yet at the time I couldn't see past the surface of your words. But now with all this time to think I realized the meaning behind every single thing you said. You wanted things to be different and I wish they were too. Maybe if I hadn't attacked you we could have been friends. But it's too late for that. We can't be anything now.

You loved me and wanted me to love you.

I do want to love you now and I just hope that you'll wait for me. When we meet again whether it be in death or in a different life I'll make sure things will turn out differently. When I lay eyes on you again I promise you there will be nothing but love.

Because I don't ever want you to feel hollow like me.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a bit shorter than the other one's I know


End file.
